May Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot

December 31, 2011

Here I am... staring down at the last few hours of another year. I'm not too sad to see 2011 pass by. I'm so thankful that each new year brings with it promise and hope. I have many, many hopes for 2012. Some include:

-Live a more simplified life! Find ways to streamline. Focus on what really counts, and get rid of what doesn't.
-Stop over committing. Maybe this is a subcategory of simplifying. Again, focus on what really counts.
-Become a better friend.
-Organize, organize, organize.
-Recommit to our goal as a family to live debt free. We have paid most of our debt off (excluding mortgage), but kind of lost sight. Time to kick those last few debts to the curb.
-Become a better memory keeper for my family. I STINK at this, y'all. I take a good amount of pictures, but am terrible at printing them out and doing anything with them. I must do better.
-And of course, what list would be complete at this time of year without the good old weight loss goal?

I guess I'm starting this blog to make myself more accountable to these goals. Weight loss in particular. No scratch that. HEALTH. That is what I want.

What is that old line from AA? That admitting your problem is the first step, right? I have known for a long time that I have a problem with my weight. Admitting is a different story though I suppose. Its not like I think that the general population is stupid and doesn't look at me and think that I'm completely out of shape and overweight. I know that they do. But it is never something I've talked with many about, and especially have never written a blog post about.

So, here is my admission:

Hi, my name is Sarah. I'm overweight. Ugh... do I have to say it? I'm... obese. You have no idea how much I want to go back and delete that. But that's probably not enough, right? I can easily hit publish on this and it will go out to the big old world wide web and could possibly never be seen by anyone I know. I guess I kind of have to talk about this to people. Get them to come and look at it. I'm thinking of putting a link to this on my pinterest and twitter accounts. I must keep telling myself that I need this accountability. This sucks.

Further confessions:

-I am completely and utterly addicted to sugar. I know that if I don't change, I am staring at a future with type 2 diabetes. Sugar is something that I crave morning, noon and night. I feel like I need sugar multiple times, daily. I know that to lose weight and have a healthier life, I have to kick the habit.

-I weigh... a lot. A lot more than I want to weigh. A number that I really don't want anyone to know except myself. Heck, I really don't even want to know. I CRINGE when I weigh myself. I have a doctors appointment next week and have thought about cancelling it because I really don't want to be weighed by anyone else. I really, really don't want to put that number on here either.

Oh Lord, I'm about to do it.... I weighed this morning and it was 243 lbs. Yup, fighting huge urge again to delete.

I should really just hit publish and get this over with.

Anyways... I have a lot of weight to lose. I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy.

So there it is. All my hopes and wishes for 2012. I think I've written quite enough for today. I'm going to try to post daily to hash all this out. I don't have a clear plan of action yet, but I'm working on it and will get back with you.

Wishes of luck and prayers are very much appreciated! I'm going to need them.